Lady in a Shoe

I Need to Throw Up

2012-02-13T00:28:00.000-06:00

I need to throw up so I can get my work done

so many things going on in my head like yesterday

when I saw sweet pictures of new baby and family rejoicing

then getting the call to go to the hospital and walked into a room of grief

because mommy pushed out death instead of life

and trying to make miracles out of photos that can bring comfort to hurting hearts

and then today when I found out I scheduled two events at the same time

at the same place wondering who would not be happy

that we shared the big room in the house we worship in on Sunday

walking back and forth between gifts piled up for nearly-weds

to gifts piled up for quarter-century-weds

then cooking for kids to eat before they hear from a heart that now only wants God

and wondering if my kids only want God and pray they only want God

that they have a passion for the heart of God

and then read an email about getting a pink and green crown

that unplugged the tear pipes to overflowing

then coming home to laundry and grocery lists and to do lists

swimming around in my head because they haven't found their way to paper yet

and as much as I need to do before I close my eyes

I feel like I need to throw it all up so

can.

breathe.

What I Remember the Most is the Laughter

2012-02-02T20:49:00.004-06:00

I stood in the doorway and saw the bed up against the wall with the trundle pulled out. She was on the top bed and I was on the bottom bed laughing hysterically until Uncle Jacky opened the door and told us he wasn't going to come in and tell us to be quiet again. We had our last warning.

She rolled off and landed with a thump right on top of me and we hid our faces in the pillow and giggled until our tummies hurt.

I saw the bowl with left over Ranch Style bean juice and an almost-gone loaf of bread by the cute little bread warmer. Warm Mrs. Baird's bread and Ranch Style bean juice. That was our snack of choice for movies; unless the movie was scary - then I ate chips to crunch out the music and screams. Her screams. I didn't scream because I had a pillow over my eyes and chips in my mouth so I only knew it was a scary part when I saw her mouth wide open.

I saw our clothes all over the floor from countless changes and an ironing board used to iron her curly hair flat.

I saw it all. Transported back 35+ years, taking it all in. I imagine often what our reunion will be like when she meets me at the gate. Oh, sweet.

I really miss her. The laughing uncontrollably in the corner of the racketball court or at the bowling alley bent over the ball thingy holding our stomachs.

Sure, we had our share of crying spells. We were girls, for heaven's sake. But what I remember the most is the laughter. So much laughter.

Every time I go back I look for her.

That night, standing in that door, I saw her.

McKenzie

2012-01-22T17:46:00.000-06:00

All Because of a Kiss

2012-01-16T17:51:00.001-06:00

I leaned over and kissed him on the temple. The kiss went from something to do to a place to be. So I stayed there a minute - my lips on his temple.

I closed my eyes.

This is one of my favorite places.

He opened his sleepy eyes and smiled a sleepy smile. It is also one of his favorites. I left to go study and thanked God for this man in my life. For his love for the Word, his love for all of our kids, and for thinking I'm cute after all these years.

It all started with a lingering, taking-it-all-in kiss. It quickly became a worship time for me. The overwhelmingness of the morning slowly went away as my thoughts went from reasons upon reasons to give thanks.

It continued up I-45 and I felt so full as I thanked Him over and over for all that He has done for me. For His faithfulness.

He overwhelms me.

Before David became King he found himself in a pickle more than once.

One of those times found in I Samuel 30 he was about to be killed by his own men.

He was distressed (sound familiar?) and then in verse 6 it says that he

encouraged himself in the Lord his God.

One of the definitions for encouraged is to strengthen.

When we are full of distress, or stress, whatever you want to call it, we are to encourage or strengthen ourselves in the Lord our God.

One way to strengthen or encourage is to meditate on all that He has done.

I have found that when I begin to contemplate His goodness, I can't help but

PRAISE HIM. THANK HIM.

If you are tired of seeing photos of my family, you may stop here. I'm visual, so seeing their faces when I'm thanking God for them is just better for me.

Thank you, Jesus, for

braids in brother's beard,

hayrides,

sweet little girl clapping, yelling "hayride!, hayride!"

(makes me smile to remember)

son-in-law who loves my precious daughter,

my boy with his boy,

wrestling in the floor,

girls excited about twizzlers in the stockings,

morning grocery store runs with sweet baby girl,

family pictures,

and more family pictures,

four girls with my genes,

six kids that I've known longer than anybody in this whole world (tear),

nine kids that I pray for fervently,

extra kids I pray for fervently,

little boy who loves that I love him,

spider man kisses,

aunt love,

and spending time with her.

Linking up with Multitudes on Monday

Oh Land of Rest

2012-01-15T21:03:00.000-06:00

We sang about heaven today. All the old classic hymns about heaven: On Jordan's Stormy Banks, Oh They Tell Me of a Home, This World is not My Home, and In the Sweet By and By. Such sweet songs of longing for our home that is not here.

Singing about that yearning for Peace. For Rest. For Better.

Then his guitar took us to the next song: We'll Work Till Jesus Comes. It came waking us from that dream of our coming reality. There is work to do.

Oh land of rest, for thee I sigh! When will the moment come
When I shall lay my armor by and dwell in peace at home?

I can't lay armor down yet. I can't rest from fighting the battle because the
battle goes on until I take my last breath. The battle continues whether I choose to get on my knees and fight ~ or not. There are days that I am tired, or busy, or just flat lazy. I can tell when there have been several of those days.

It's not time to lay our armor by. It's necessary more now than ever before to take up our armor and fight for ourselves, our husbands, our children and all those other ones He has given us to love.

One day soon, though; one day very, very soon we will dwell in peace at Home.

Sigh.

That Your Faith should not be in the Wisdom of Men

2012-01-13T09:28:00.003-06:00

My head was killing me. I honestly couldn't remember the last time it hurt so bad. We were sitting in the doctor's office where we were told there was a fairly new chemo that he could use for up to five years.

I knew the critical stuff had been discussed so asked to be excused to go find some kind of medicine. Anything to make this pain go away.

I made it to the first chair in the empty waiting room and sat hard. Just four days earlier on Thursday, I was told to take him home and prepare the kids to say goodbye. From the way they talked he wouldn't be around to hear church bells calling to worship. Just a few days they said.

Now five years? Wonderful news but I had kids who needed ready hearts to deal with one of the most difficult things they would probably ever walk through. What was right? Days or years? I needed to know so they could be ready. So I could be ready.

God. My head. It hurts.

Finding over the counter remedies took back seat to being near to Him. I opened my Bible, my security blanket for many months, and began to read. I wasn't looking for anything specific, I just needed to breathe it in. Like smelling salts.

Then I saw it.

. . . that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but
in the power of God.

They didn't know. God and God alone knew when it was time for him to go home and God and God alone would be faithful enough to have me ready and have my kids ready.

It was one of those cries where you don't plan it, you don't shoulder shake or face grimace. One tear rolls over and slides down and then all of it's friends roll down right behind. Emptying the hurt with each drop. A peaceful cry. A pain lessening cry.

The head pounding quieted as the cheeks were bathed.

I look back and thank Him that the waiting room was reserved for only me. Thank Him for a doctor who gave hope when he knew there was little hope to give. Thank Him that we had just exactly the amount of days we needed to be able to say good bye with relief that he no longer hurt. Rejoicing for him.

Even now, so overwhelmed with His love. So overwhelmed.

Linking up with Sweet Blessings.

It Matters

2012-01-11T14:07:00.003-06:00

When is it too late? Do you daily show your husband you want to be the wife God has laid out for you to be? Or is it too late and he's tired of the waiting, tired of the disrespect?

Do your kids know without a doubt that they are more important than your to-do list and your own agenda? Or is it too late and they are no longer connected physically ~ or maybe emotionally? Or both?

When is it too late? Too late to love deeply, to serve willingly, and to sacrifice daily.

Connie, a friend living in New York sent me a link written about a house fire on Christmas morning that took the lives of a woman's three little girls and also her parents. I wept as I read and felt a fraction of the pain she must feel.

There was a part of that post that jumped off of the page to me:

Because when the last of these is suddenly taken from us, what will be left is what we did.

Not what we meant to do.

Not what we intended to do.

Not what we thought about doing.

But what we did.

It's time to start doing and being what you were intended to do and be. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

It matters. It matters to the ones you love and it matters to Him.

Word for the Year

2012-01-09T14:00:00.003-06:00

I was reading a post by Jenifer over at Sweet Blessings and she told of a practice she started a couple of years back where you have a word to focus on for the new year. It sounded interesting so I began to pray about what word might be good for me this year. It didn't take long for the word to come to me. As a matter of fact, I honestly believe He was already having me focus on this word since way before Christmas.

The word straight to my heart was SACRIFICE.

sacrifice |ˈsakrəˌfīs|

noun
• an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy : we must all be prepared to make sacrifices.
• (also sacrifice bunt or sacrifice hit) Baseball a bunted ball that puts the batter out but allows a base runner or runners to advance.

What does it really mean? There are some who think this could be our last year on this earth. Probably not, but what if? What if at the end of this year we stand before our Judge and He says that every thing we thought was sacrifice was only our duty?

Oh me.

Sacrifice what? Give up what?

Give up eating too much of the wrong thing for a closer walk with the One Who is Good?
Give up time to listen to a hurting sister?
Give up television or internet to hold sweet daughter?
Give up grudge over someone who mistreated those I love?
Give up feelings of jealousy so I can encourage instead of belittle?

This is not sacrifice ~ it is what I am supposed to do.

Oh me.

He gave me sacrifice so I would learn sacrifice.

Really learn sacrifice.

It's something I must do. Something I give up. Something I offer.

There is one sacrifice though, that seems easy enough.

To offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving is to give honor to the Lord.

A good one to start off with until I get the hang of what all sacrifice really entails.

~ I'm so thankful today for six days of noise because of six days of family,

~ for shopping day with all the girls, and

~ a clean bedroom after months of being store room for retreat stuff and Christmas
stuff.

~ For new sheets and a

~ new word.

~ For a hubby who helps me see the doughnut and not the hole.

~ For button for the radio on the steering wheel helping to avoid Christmas Shoes.

~ For a friend who encourages and helps pray for my kids, and

~ new hope for aching arms.

~ For the definition of sacrifice that has to do with baseball.

And Heaven and Nature Sing

2011-12-25T15:38:00.002-06:00

She held on to her swollen belly, trying her best to make the jarring not quite so painful. The pangs of labor were beginning to wash over her and she knew it was just a matter of time before she met her sweet baby. And her Savior.

As they travelled over the bumpy road, an animal - possibly a donkey, marked at the beginning of time with a stripe down his back and across his shoulders, was to be the one to carry the Messiah. Walking like there was a King on his very back.

They knew. The animals they passed knew how precious that cargo was. How important that job was. They knew the Christ was soon to be born. I just know it. The journey was quiet with worship except for occasional moans that were not intended to slip through this young girl's lips.

And so she gave birth to this Child.

Where the animals ate and slept and waited for His arrival. On a floor of straw and dirt, manure and blood, she wrapped Him up and the celebration began.

The heavens opened up to a chorus of angels praising God.

We keep trying to pull Him back in to this celebration of His birth. Is it from a heart of pure devotion or a feeling of obligation?

Are you the one trying to figure out how to salvage Christmas? With hurt and loss and pain so deep, don't you know the only way to salvage it is to have more of Him? Not more gifts or holiday activities, but Him. We need Him more. Oh, I need Him more.

It is in these times a person doesn't have to have the token activity to pull Christ into the Christmas mayhem. We pull Him in because the need is great. No, it is extreme.

So we cry out. Not in agony or hurt, but in joy and celebration that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. I REJOICE that He hears the cries of His children when they are hurting and when they are not.

We cry out in praise like the angels did. Like they still do. The angels and the animals and the trees and the rocks. Heaven and nature. Praising that our Savior was born a servant to one day return as King. My King.

Ain't no rock gonna cry in my place. As long as I'm alive I will glorify His Holy name.

Saturday Night in Stillwater

2011-12-20T22:25:00.002-06:00

Last Friday Susan came through and picked up Rachel on her way from

Houston to Stillwater. They were going to surprise Sam - he had no idea

Rachel was going to go to the semi-formal with him and

several other kids.

Without telling the whole story, Sam was completely surprised! They got it on

video and it is hilarious. It took him a little bit for it to register

that it was really her.

It was tough for Susan and Darrell to pull it off, but they did it beautifully.

Alberto, Rachel, Sam and Abel

Rachel, Sam, Susan and Darrell

The boys - Alberto, Sam and Abel

Susan and Darrell are parents to four godly boys. These two teach Sunday School/Bible Study and volunteer with many things through the church and Boy Scouts. This year they welcomed Alberto, a young man from Spain, into their home.

Susan has been a prayer warrior for my kids when I knew we needed extra prayer.

I got to go to church with them on Sunday and it was so sweet to see many

of the people I love very much.

It was a great weekend for all of us.

Some Catching Up to Do

2011-12-12T23:36:00.001-06:00

I stumbled out of bed this morning with a full day ahead. I had several things to pick up before the lunch for the family and then the funeral at two. It doesn't take long for my brain to jump into high gear, full of to-do lists.

I stood at the mirror knowing I didn't have time to wash my hair, plugged in the straightener, then grabbed the blue tube with the age spot minimizer, then the red tube with the puffy under eye reducer, and the red jar of deep wrinkle cream and wondered again if I put them on in the wrong order. If all this time opening jars and tubes was really a waste of time and money.

I put a little peroxide on my toothbrush to get whiter teeth and remembered the spot on my shirt from stirring last night's Christmas party sloppy joes. Grabbed the shirt with toothbrush still in my mouth and poured a little peroxide on the spotted shirt. Rubbed it a little, spit in the sink, and wah-lah(!) - teeth a little whiter and shirt a little cleaner.

Put on the brown pants from yesterday because I really like my little brown striped socks and went to put on my shoes and found my jewelry I had been looking for in the other room tucked snuggly in the toe of the right shoe.

I went in to Walgreens to make photos for the three remaining sisters, picked up more tea and a few things to go on the tables for the family to feel like we really cared about them.
Got back to the church to the kitchen crew organizing all the food.

The service was beautiful. Linda would have loved it. After all the sweet songs, funny stories, great hugs - it was what I saw at the end that touched my heart.

A boy bent over a casket grieving his momma. Weeping over her still body, no longer able to take a breath.

I saw a small boy rocked by the death of his grandma. Nieces and nephews so sad because she is gone.

What a testimony of a life.

She dearly loved and because of that she was loved dearly.

I didn't tell my girls that I loved them this morning before I left. I just opened tubes and jars and played with peroxide and straightened my hair, but I didn't see if they had any needs. I haven't talked to one of my boys in at least two weeks and the other in several days, and it's been a couple of days since I've talked to Kayla.

They all know I love them, but do I show them enough? If I'm gone tomorrow will they question my love for them or will they know absolutely that I loved them more than life?
Will all my "other kids" know how precious they are to me? My mom and sisters? My family who lives on I-45 in a metal building?

Will Michael know without doubt of my love and complete devotion for him?

If I wake up in the morning I have another chance to let them know. Another chance to cover them up in prayer and love and reasons to miss when I'm gone. Another chance to love more and serve more and sacrifice more. No one cares how big my age spots are or how deep my wrinkles are or how puffy my eyes are. They only care that I love them.

I have some catching up to do.

See You Soon, Linda!

2011-12-09T09:09:00.000-06:00

She had a come back for everything and you always knew where you stood with her. Her heart was gold, just worn out. Precious Linda went home early this morning leaving her sisters and children and so many who loved her. Please pray for those who are hurting over her going on to the ones who were waiting at the gate.

Monday nights won't quite be the same.

We will see you soon Linda!

You Blink

2011-12-07T21:46:00.000-06:00

The girls and I went today to get all the supplies to make Christmas presents. It reminded me of when I would take the three older kids clothes shopping for school. I felt like

there were always three conversations going at once. Three different aisles I

needed to be on at once.

Where has the time gone?

If I had known that I would blink and the three older ones would be married

and one would have kids of his own, I might have been a little more patient. I may

have enjoyed them more and spent more time.

I certainly would have made a greater effort to instill the Word into them. I didn't do that well, especially after the three little ones came along.

Because I blinked and the older ones were gone, I realize how important it is to

spend as much time with the girls as possible. I realize the urgency of them knowing the Word to be able to get through life's difficulties. I realize that in two years I will be doing the shopping without them.

Oh my.

They have such a good time together. Most of the time. How many times today did I hear "Oh Lanty!" - Leah's name for Hannah. They had fun trying to figure out what to get every one. They love giving to their brothers and sisters.

I love that they love that.

I have one, maybe two more Christmases for them to be here to help decorate the house and make gifts. I already grieve that a little bit.

What I do with that time will determine what kind of wives and mommies they will be. I have to make every minute count.

Every single minute.

And all thy children shall be taught

of the Lord and great shall

be their peace.

Isaiah 54:13

Be Strong

2011-11-30T14:09:00.000-06:00

Today a family is grieving their 6 month old baby who died from complications from the flu. Another family is grieving the death of their 5 year old daughter who died in a fire that destroyed their home and injured the mom, dad, and other sibling. Just got word that a plane went down in New Mexico and family members are still uncertain of the condition of their loved one.

Why?

We live in a fallen world. A fallen world controlled by the evil one.

I woke up this morning after a night full of troubling dreams - not scary or anything, just dreams where I was not prepared for the things I was supposed to be doing. Kind of like my life. So when my eyes opened this morning early, I was already feeling overwhelmed.

Because of stuff. Non-important stuff.

There are so many things more important than things in our own little worlds. We fret and fume over things that are so trivial. Nothing like trying to decide what to do with the gifts we already bought for our babies who are now celebrating in heaven. Or whether or not to hang their stockings?

Oh my heart.

I can't even try to imagine the ache of these families.

All I know is this: He is faithful to carry us through the things this fallen world throws our way. Faithful to hold when we need to be held.

And knowing that is what keeps me going. That, and knowing that He cares enough to send an encouraging word from a complete stranger just at the exact time it is needed. Even if it was needed because of non-important stuff.

Oh, He's that good.

He's the One who redeems all the ugly stuff. I pray our eyes are open to see it.

To see Him. To feel Him. To trust Him.

Oh Father, only You can take pain away that cuts so deep. Only You can comfort and calm the pain away. Be strong for them today. For those who are grieving loss so great. Please be strong.

Thanks Giving Some More

2011-11-29T17:34:00.001-06:00

We were so blessed to have Mom, Michael's family, and David, a friend of Glenn's, to come for Thanksgiving dinner.

We ate until we were stuffed. Mom cooked the turkey and made her wonderful dressing, and we had every kind of veggie, meat, and dessert you can imagine.

After we digested a little, we went outside to the swings and the fire pit. Every one but Grammy got on the swings for a little bit. We enjoyed sitting around the fire and visiting. It was a little chilly, but with the fire, it was perfect.

Grammy and Opa

Erika

The girls swinging back . . .

. . . and forth.

Rachel along for the ride.

The grand daughters.

Then I get a message Friday evening that Brad and Rhonda may be coming through on Saturday. Rhonda was in my Sunday School class several times way back when and they were both a part of Bible studies while they were in High School.

It was such a treat for me to cook lunch for them and their beautiful kids. God is using them down in the League City area to reach people. It's not an easy work and they would love to know there are many people praying for them. When a new work is started

like this there can be many discouragements. Pray that they stay encouraged and strengthened. These two are very dear to my heart. They were both godly examples for my three older kids. I thank God for that.

Very blessed.

Thanks Giving

2011-11-28T14:42:00.001-06:00

I love reading the 30 Days of Thanks that many have posted on facebook. Family, friends, roofs over heads, jobs . . . the list goes on and on. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all make a habit of giving thanks? A holy habit?

For the past eight weeks I have been living in a blur. My postings here have been few and far between and I thought I would start from the first of October and gradually catch up with posting some of the photos of things that have been going on.

When I was thinking last night over the events of yesterday, I just started thanking God for evidence of Him throughout the day. Starting yesterday morning. So instead of beginning at the beginning of October and catching up I decided to post some of the pics from this weekend and then work backwards.

So much to give thanks for . . .

Eric is a young man who has walked through a couple of really tough years. The last few months he realized where his help truly comes from. Watching him grow and mature has been beautiful to see.

Thank you Father for Eric and for his service to You. And that he dressed up for the occasion!

And then there is Mac. My Mac. I can say that because everyone says that. He belongs to all of us even though he is married to Sandy. He loves His Jesus and he loves his bride Sandy and boy, oh boy, He loves his church. Mac wants to make sure he has done all he needs to do before he makes his trek to heaven. We should all live like that. I love him.

God is so good.

Show the Grace

2011-11-10T08:47:00.001-06:00

I've watched them. Watched as they made an effort to encourage, draw in; even though they know what has been said behind their backs. Things said untrue. Things said for the world to hear.

Watched them invite, even though they have been taken aside and chewed out for things they knew not. Chewed out because someone needed to feel powerful in their own skin.

I've held them. Held as they cried because why do we have to keep trying when it doesn't do any good? Cried because it hurts deep within their sweet souls to see no change.

I've encouraged them. Encouraged them to grace.

Because it doesn't matter what others say. It matters what He says. And One Day He will talk to all of us, one by one, and tell us how much He loved when we graced.

And as I write, the water drops to the keyboard because I want to tell them they don't have to try any more. To grace any more.

I can't.

Because One Day . . .

A Quiet Place

2011-11-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

"Come away with me to a quiet place and find some rest.”

Mark 6:31

Lots of people need rest so I always hate to say I needed it, but I think I did. For a week we've been gone from home, driving through Arkansas, seeing the sights. It has been sweet.

We took a jog up to Hot Springs just to see what it was like and as we went past downtown we saw this little park in between the one way streets. It was raining but I knew I had to brave the weather to get a couple of shots.

This little park screamed Jesus' words to me.

Come away.

Come away with Me.

To a quiet place.

And find rest.

The Master asks us to come to Him. To find our rest in Him.

To come to Him.

His Father rested. He rested. He calls me to rest.

I'm thinking He probably didn't make lists of things that needed to be done when He left the wilderness. Probably because He didn't have a Ladies' Holiday Dinner when He got home. He wasn't planning ahead for holiday anything.

I'm thinking He didn't take a cell phone "just in case" or a computer to keep up with the latest on whatever there is to keep up with.

Just Him. And Him.

Oh yeah, you know the story. The enemy always tries to keep us from spending that time with the Father. Because Jesus had spent time with the Father, He was equipped to overcome the temptations placed before Him.

That's not so much what this is about.

This is about the necessity of rest. Of sitting on one bench and Him on another and thinking you want Him closer so you move to His bench.

You visit about things. You ask Him to scoot to the end so you can lay with your head right on His chest, feet all tucked up so nothing touches the ground.

Such a safe place,

this place of rest.

Mighty to Save

2011-11-08T09:09:00.000-06:00

Strengthen the weak hands,

and make firm the feeble knees.

Say to those who have an anxious heart,

"Be strong; fear not!

Behold your God

will come with vengeance,

with the recompense of God.

He will come and save you."

Isaiah 35:3-4

He is bigger than an earthquake.

Stronger than a tornado.

Mightier than a thunderstorm.

He is ALMIGHTY.

MIGHTY over ALL.

The first time the ground shook it was hard enough to wake him up. The second time we were both up and I felt it too. It lasted a little bit. We didn't feel the

third one, but our kids did.

It was a bit scary.

BUT.

And that's a big BUT.

The same One and Only God who brings us the beauty in the color of a changing leaf is mighty over the most powerful of elements.

Birth pains heading toward the big Show Down?

I believe so.

Do we have something to fear?

Not if we know the One and Only.

The Mighty to Save.

Today a mom is burying her son only a quarter century old.

The elements of a different kind were too much for him to handle.

A mom and dad are watching as their grown daughter withers away

because she has no strength on her own to get

out from under.

They are helpless.

Siblings watch as their mommy continues to seek the

"love" from another man while their daddy takes

care of them at home.

Tearing them apart.

The retired man unable to do physical work any longer wonders

how he will make it to next month.

Do we have something to fear?

Not if we know the One and Only.

The Mighty to Save.

Ft. Smith

2011-11-07T22:48:00.001-06:00

We left Texas last Tuesday and drove to Tulsa to see the kids on our way to Arkansas. Wednesday we met Kyle and Eli at the movies to see Puss in Boots, then went to Kyle and Jade's to eat pizza and visit a little.

Sportin' the 3D's.

Playing with Poppa.

Hugging as much as we can.

{}

Thursday we took off for Arkansas. The colors were beautiful the whole trip. I think we hit peak color time everywhere we went. We went to the trolley museum and took a little ride. Michael got to be the conductor!

Happy boy!

{}

We stopped by the national cemetery right after the trolley ride. As I was walking around there I almost felt like I was trespassing. Stepping on ground where I didn't belong. Even though there were men working all over the place, there was a feeling of reverence in that place. Men and women who died for what they believed. I thought about that a lot.

They died.

We complain when we have to give up something trivial.

The confederate soldiers were buried on one side and the union soldiers on the other. I wondered about the mommas who would visit a cemetery to grieve their boys that were buried on different sides. That happened. The sadness of it all hit me like it never had.

The sadness of that and even more so when I saw the word 'FIFTEEN UNKNOWN', or 'SIX UNKNOWN' or 'FIVE UNKNOWN'. Knowing they were just dumped in there. So very sad to me.

{}

It was sad to me until I got to this spot. All these head stones facing east.

Waiting in eager expectation to be raised in Christ.

At least all those who were in Him.

Then it's our turn.

Made me smile.

Oh, come on and get us.

Baptisms

2011-11-07T11:48:00.000-06:00

Here are all the photos we have of baptisms since we've been here. There are so many I don't have and I'm trying to spread the word that if you have photos please mail them to me. Some of these are from phones, and very blurry, but I put them on there because they are so precious.

So beautiful.

Ray

2011-11-07T10:04:00.001-06:00

He comes to this same restaurant every day and tries to sit in the same booth in the corner. Every day for the past two years and for almost three years before he went to the restaurant on the other side of town, closer to his house.

I was up looking for the green beans at the buffet and Michael struck up a conversation after the man whispered "Amen".

Car salesman. That's what he was. He was also married for 64 years. She's been gone almost five.

He thinks about her every minute of every day. That's what he said and that's what I believe.

He can't wait to see her again. That's what he's doing in this place - just waiting until he can see her again.

He goes to church three times a week and talks to Him every day. He knows that no matter what you have done in life, that is the most important. To know Him and talk to Him. To live for Him.

We were done with our meal but continued to visit across the booth. He stood up to go find a dessert and stood there for a minute with his hands in his Levi britches that covered his ninety two year old legs.

I scooted over, turned toward him and he sat down without missing a word. I watched him as he talked. Took in every wrinkle; saw how the skin started at the top of his head and then draped down over his jaws and under his chin.

His eyes were sunk deep. I'm sure they were once bright blue; they are now cloudy.

He talked of how he encourages his two older sisters to not get down because they all will be going home soon. So anxious for the Reunion. So anxious to see their parents.

So anxious to see his bride.

As I listened I was praying that I would be like that. Bearing fruit in old age. Never tiring of encouraging those who need an encouraging word. Praying that I never feel like I've done my duty and need to retire from it.

So Ray, I hope you get to see her soon. But not before your job here is done.

Well done, good and faithful servant.

Ft. Smith Arkansas

2011-11-06T23:56:00.001-06:00

Yesterday Michael and I rode a train from Van Buren to Winslow, Arkansas. We were in the dining car and had a table for two. It was such a treat. We loved every minute. I was having to take pictures out the window of a moving train. Here are a few.

Dining Car

Lunch!

Not fancy, but so much fun.

Happy Birthday Michael!!!

2011-11-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

Almost 20 years ago this man walked into my life and the lives of my three kids. He loved me and loved them more than we could ever have imagined.

Today he turns 50!!!

We are so blessed. Our family is so dear to his heart and a couple of weeks ago we were looking for an old picture and he kept pulling out photos of when the kids were little, oohing and aahing over each one. He loved them all. We couldn't possibly put them all together but we did get some of his favorites. We played it on Monday night at a little surprise party during Bible Study. We pretty much cried through the whole thing.

Precious memories.

Making many more.

It's a bit pixely - but you get the idea. It also had a video clip from each of the kids and grand kids. I took those out so I could upload it. I am going to post those separately.

I love you!!!

Praying God gives us many more years of serving Him together.

Thank You

2011-10-31T15:54:00.002-05:00

Whenever I get a little discouraged, I think back on the things God has done in the hearts of people on this little piece of land on I-45. He constantly reminded His people in the Old Testament of the things He had done for them and sometimes I need to be reminded as well.

These two photos, one taken about 4 years ago and the other about a month ago, remind me of all there is to be thankful for.

He continues to work.

So thankful for men whose hearts came to know Jesus after so many years walking without Him.

For seeing hard faces turn gentle.

For hearing laughter and encouragement instead of anger and criticism.

For, as one precious lady said, "snatching them right out of hell". (!)

For bringing me here to this place.

He Loves Me

2011-10-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning around five and Eli was holding my hand. I love it when something makes you smile the minute your brain reaches consciousness. We came through Tulsa on our way to Eureka Springs to meet up with several of our church family to see the Passion play. We will be home on Saturday in time for Michael to preach Sunday morning and have our harvest carnival Sunday night.

After about a month of being in "retreat mode", I think after Monday I can breathe a little easier.

A couple of weeks ago Kayla came to Texas to take the girls to a Taylor Swift concert. She brought Eli and Journey and didn't get in until close to midnight. When Eli walked sleepy-eyed in the door he ran for me and put his arms tight around my neck. Then he pulled back and said, "Lollie, were you saying over and over 'I can't for Eli to get here!'?"

I assured him I said that very thing over and over. It was truth.

He loves that I love him.

We don't see them often, so when we do we love on them from the time they walk in the door until we strap them in the seat to head north.

You know what else is truth? Sometimes the busyness of being woman with all that entails, keeps me from spending that time with the Lord I desperately need. I feel like He is waiting in anticipation for me to come to His table, to sit at His feet.

Fill up to satisfaction. Be loved, in whatever condition I am.

I love that He loves me.

I Samuel 21

2011-10-27T08:34:00.000-05:00

Cursor on the title then study away!

I Samuel 20

2011-10-19T11:04:00.000-05:00

Bible study from tonight - little more on Jonathan and David and then over to Psalms for a bit. Turn off the ipod at the bottom of the page then click on the title.

His Word. That's It.

2011-10-18T00:03:00.003-05:00

He wore a double knit lime green suit with wide lapels. If he walked behind a telephone pole, you would lose sight of him for a bit. His skin was so much darker than mine, but his heart seemed so much purer.

It was one of the first times I was asked to go to a church and tell the people about what God had done in my life. How He had walked me through some tough years. Three small churches came together for a day of singing and testimonies. These churches knew how to do church. They dressed up and sang gospel music so sweet. They would take turns getting up to share in song.

They called for one church group and they weren't there, so this little man walked up slowly and as he walked he began to sing. His great-grandaddy legs didn't walk too fast but it didn't matter. He started singing before he ever got to the stage. I'd never heard the song before. No one had, because he was making it up as he walked.

"I love you Jesus! I love you Jesus! Jesus, I love you!"

Over and over for almost 10 minutes, changing the tune as he pleased because it was his song, he continued to sing.

I want to love Him like that. I don't love Him enough. I began to question my being there.

This man was all they needed, eavesdropping on his love song to the Lover of his soul.

Basking in the overflow of his praise.

I spoke that day even though I wanted to walk out the back door. Who could even follow that goodness?

It seems that every time I go to teach or share with a group, something happens or is said that makes me second guess what God has called me to do. That I'm not good enough, or talented enough to do the job. This past weekend the leadership team told me about their last retreat speaker. She was a potter. I've seen that kind of thing before and know how powerful it is to have that visual as they speak. When they were telling me about her, I was thinking, once again, that I didn't have anything to offer. Not anything to give them - no visual to take home with them. I have no talent, except, of course, for the pom pom routine.

They would certainly remember that.

My flight home wasn't until Sunday so I thought I better stay and go through with it. I had no "wow factor" but I did have something. Something I knew He wanted me to share. Just like He did when I followed a dancing, singing, praising grandpa.

His word. That's it. I love His word - absolutely LOVE it. He wanted me to share that. It didn't need a pom pom routine to be powerful.

It just needed to be spoken.

So I spoke it and He did the rest.

And boy, was He powerful.

photo by Photo_Graphics by Pam

So grateful today for:

God's word
changing hearts
cardboard testimonies
west Texas mountains
pecan orchards
sweet praise
tears of brokenness
safe flights
Boy and bride hiding in back seat to surprise his momma! Thank You, Jesus!
double date
my own bed
his arms
thunder and lightening
rainy nights

I'm Not Her

2011-10-13T21:43:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. I love Peter, Paul, and Mary. If you didn't sing that when you read it, please go back and do it. Makes you smile a little.

Actually, I do know when I'm coming home.

Funny how we assume things. My flight is scheduled to return on Sunday evening. As I was preparing to go, I wondered what if something happened and I didn't make it back.

Did I make a difference in the lives of my family and friends? Did I leave them with spiritual wisdom that would get them through the rest of their lives trusting the Lord for His faithfulness?

Would I wish I had spent more time holding and less time cleaning? More time speaking life and less time speaking death? More time listening and less time talking?

So as I've been packing and marking things off lists, I've been reflective. By the way, sometimes I get reflective when I'm about to go in to town to Walmart.

What treasures have I stored up in heaven? Storing up treasures is not marking off letters on a list. It is holding daughter who is overwhelmed with worldly acting people who don't care who they hurt.

I want to be the momma who is selfless.

I'm not her.

I want to be the momma who is patient and loving, even when the house is a mess and I'm trying to prepare for a retreat a few hundred miles away, then another one five days after I get back.

I'm not her.

I want to be the momma who isn't looking at the watch when daughter is telling something important to her heart. I want to be momma who doesn't get frustrated when the help is minimal.

I'm not her.

I'm not her, but I'm working on her, and hopefully she'll be the one getting off the plane on Sunday night instead of me.

No Imperfections

2011-10-12T09:31:00.001-05:00

My eyes opened early this morning before the sun peeked through the window after a night of waking and sleeping. Tossing and turning. The girls come in after the carriage turned back into a pumpkin, so excited about their night of hunting. So proud that "she took it down with one shot clean through". At least that's what I think she told her daddy, I was trying to sleep.

Each time I woke, the heart was still beating too fast for sleep, the breath never slowed to deep. The brain was already thinking, planning, figuring before the wake came in full.

Weight on the chest got heavier each time I looked at the clock. Thinking of all that needs to be done - that should be done. Yesterday's load of towels still in the washer, now needing another bath. Lasagna pan with extra dishes still soaking in the kitchen sink. Another vacuuming and mopping needed after mud and grass were tracked in after forgetting the water was left on in the horse trough.

Phone calls to return, prescriptions to pick up, meals to prepare, gifts to finish before I board the plane on Friday to head west. And with all the preparations, still feeling unprepared. Wanting to show those sweet ladies Jesus in a way that makes them want Him more.

Clutter. My brain is filled with clutter. Covering up the truth, and making me feel so imperfect. The more I thought, the more the imperfection penetrated. Now covering every part of my life - momma, teacher, wife, pastor's wife, daughter, sister, mentor, friend. I'm a mess, I am.

Then I heard the rain hitting the roof and running off into the flower bed. Thank You, Father for the rain. My heartbeat slowed a bit. Thank You, Father, for the rain.

Thank You for his arm holding me close like spoons in a tray, breathing deep himself, but still protecting. For the girls asleep in their beds after their night hunting hogs and coyotes. For the almost full moon lighting our way to the barn to check on water before bed.

The heaviness was lessening. The breathing slowed.

Thank You for a washing machine - so that doing a load the second time isn't so difficult. Thank You for animals to feed and a vacuum cleaner that works well. Thank You for Italian food and for the smell of Palmolive dish soap. Thank You for mamaw's love and how I think of her when I do dishes with that dish soap.

The clutter was gone. Replaced with a gratefulness, a communication with the Sender of the rain.

Sometimes the clutter is all the things I know I need to do. Sometimes it is sin in my life. The stuff I focus on instead of Him. Idols made because of position in my heart.

The best things are not a clean house, perfect kids, great grades. The best thing is sitting at His table, talking with Him. And not always talking, but listening.

Hearing from His mouth that He loves me and that He made me. And He is Perfect God.

I Samuel 18

2011-10-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

Ladies' Bible study for this past Monday. Put cursor on the title, click and review the story of Jonathan and David - one of my favorites!

As For Me and My House

2011-10-09T22:27:00.001-05:00

In an interview on national TV a former child star asked why he turned his back on a promising career to be a preacher. His answer was that he never turned his back on anything, but that he just walked toward what he loved. Who he loved.

We say we want to raise our children to love the Lord, but then don't always choose to walk toward Him.

The direction we walk points them in the way of their own journey. They notice if we step off even for a little while.

It hurts them. Sometimes they don't even know it hurts them until much later when they are stepping off, wondering why it is so difficult to stay on the right path.

We point them in the direction of love or hate, of believing or unbelieving, of heaven or hell. We teach them to trust or to question, to show gratitude or ungratefulness all by the way we cast our eyes.

This morning in Michael's office the girls and I practiced a song with him to sing at the end of the service. As we were singing, I watched Eli sitting on the couch singing every word with us.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

We will serve the Lord.

Oh Father, I don't want to be guilty of walking away from you. Even for a little while. Not only for my sake, but for the sake of my children and my precious grand babies. My eyes are on You, seeking You, loving You. I know there are "kids" I love who are not seeking You - draw them to You. Oh please draw them to You. Thank You for loving me so much.

Such A . . . . Time

2011-10-06T19:51:00.002-05:00

I don't like to use the word "busy" because everyone is busy. It really doesn't mean anything any more, except maybe "normal". We all think we are the only ones, and when someone tells me they are busy, I think they probably don't really know what busy is. Bad me.

What I do know is that with my incredibly - - - - calendar right now, I just find myself wanting to be in the Word more. It would be so easy to skip that in the mornings, then skip it again in between helping with algebra, chemistry, or language.

Instead, I crave it more.

I need it more.

A week from tomorrow I will be flying to El Paso to share my heart with a sweet group of ladies. I appreciate your prayers. You can pray then, but I would appreciate if you would go ahead and start as I'm preparing for that and then for our retreat for over 70 of our precious ladies the following weekend.

Pray that I hear clearly from the Lord the message He has for us,

. . . that I have safe travel on the plane,

. . . that I can find a Sonic and a way to get to the Sonic,

. . . that I can teach okay in my house shoes on Saturday night. I'm weird about
needing to keep real shoes on in order to function. The last session is in pj's.

Oh dear.

But mainly pray that my craving for the Word keeps getting stronger. I need to be completely swallowed up in order to be what I'm supposed to be.

For me and for them.

Ladies' Bible Study - I Samuel 17

2011-10-06T19:08:00.002-05:00

Finally! I had to change where I could store these recordings. This one is a little long, but there are some sweet pictures at the end that Michael taught me. Just be patient because I tend to jump around, so hope it's not too confusing. If it is, call me. For those who asked, thanks for your patience.

I can't remember for sure because I haven't listened all the way through, but I think I said the "strong tower" passage is in Psalms when, in fact, it is Proverbs 18. That's the thing about recording unprofessionally - I'm not smart enough to go back and fix anything.

So . . . place that cursor on the blog post title, click and dive in!

Navajo Tacos

2011-09-27T10:34:00.004-05:00

Last week Kayla and Kevin came in on Wednesday night before they flew out on Thursday for a birthday cruise. They weren’t here long enough, but we took advantage of every minute. We ate at her favorite Mexican food place that night and made Navajo Tacos for lunch the next day. Made Kevin an apple pie and Kayla some snickerdoodles. We have to fix their favorite things so they will keep coming back!

The four sisters had a “girls’ meeting” and made plans for their “T-Swizzy” weekend. Kayla got them tickets to see Taylor Swift in Dallas in a couple of weeks. They are all so excited.

Then they all borrowed curling irons, straighteners, and make up so they could pretty up and get a couple of pictures before heading off to the airport.

While I was cooking they were all making fun of me because Bogey the Rooster died after a very traumatic day, leaving Bacall, his bride-hen of 4 years behind grieving him and their babies. They were saying things like “I feel a blog coming on” . . . and other things along that line.

So I’m going to show them and write about Navajo Tacos instead. I’ve had several ask for this recipe and I’m just now getting to it. When we were in Oklahoma where a lot of Indians live, they call them Indian Tacos, but since it was Navajo Indians who taught me, that’s what we call them.

BREAD

6 Cups Flour

3 Teaspoons baking powder

1 Teaspoon salt

Water

Combine first three ingredients and then add enough water to make a sticky dough. Pat the dough into circles about salad plate size and about a half inch thick. Fry in hot grease a few minutes on each side, until they are golden brown.

After they come out of the healthy frying pan, we slather each piece with healthy butter. Makes is taste better.

This will make enough for a family of 5-7, unless you want to eat some with lots of healthy butter and honey for dessert.

MEAT

Brown hamburger meat and season however you want to. I use Worchestershire sauce, salt and pepper.

BEANS

You can make a pot of pinto beans, but our family likes these with Ranch Style beans better. Lots easier too.

Then we top it with our choice of lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, and hot sauce.

HOT SAUCE

Tomatoes

Onion

Jalapeno peppers

Salt

Pepper

Garlic

Cilantro

Crushed pepper

I usually put 2-3 tomatoes in the processor and then finely chop about 2 tomatoes. I do the same with the peppers and onion. Puree some and chop some. I use any where from 4-6 peppers and only half an onion. Really everything is according to how you like it. I’m bad about just going by the color to know when I have everything in there the way we like it. I do it different every time.

This meal is a crowd pleaser. I’ve been cooking these since I was a senior in high school. The largest crowd I’ve ever fed was in Stillwater when we fed over 90 kids the Monday night after our Cowboys beat the Sooners in football. I just got a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

RIP Bogey

Today I'm thankful for . . .

. . . kids coming in if only for a few hours

. . . plates stacked up more than five
. . . pretty colored bowls
. . . backsplash reminding me of thanks while cooking

. . . girls giggling in the bedroom

. . . girls giggling in the bathroom
. . . balls of cookie

. . . girls eating cookies
. . . her hubby who loves her so
. . . big ladder by big tree
. . . Cowboys beating the Sooners

. . . girl hugging dad

. . . text from oldest child/man with word "love"

. . . text from oldest child/man with word "miss"

. . . text from oldest child/man with word "little".

Monday Night Bible Study

2011-09-27T09:14:00.002-05:00

Go to the bottom of the page and turn off the Ipod. Then click on the title and you will be able to hear the Bible study from Monday night. These are just recorded on my phone-so don't expect greatness.

We finally got to David. Only took us five weeks!

Oh, and close to the beginning I was talking about measuring ourselves up to the people we study and said something like "do I want to be worse than them" instead of "am I worse than them". Ooops!

What Kind of Woman?

2011-09-24T21:25:00.002-05:00

Friday night fourteen of us gathered around tables in the back yard to fill our tummies. Then we gathered in the living room to fill our hearts. We took a look at Proverbs to see what kind of women we are and what kind we should be.

Did it make a difference in their lives? I really don't know. I do know the Word is powerful and living and can cleanse. All I have to do is be faithful to show them. Teach them. Encourage them.

After they stretched out all over the floor for a few hours of sleep, we filled their tummies again and sent them on their way.

Praying, praying, praying there is a difference.

The One in the Mirror

2011-09-21T09:35:00.001-05:00

A conversation brought it back today. Remembering made me cringe a little on the inside.

It happened when the top three were little. I'm not sure what sparked it - it could have been that a closet was a mess, or a bed wasn't made or a little one wasn't ready when they were supposed to be.

I can't remember. That's why I cringe. The reason wasn't important enough to file away to be brought out later. I'm so sad to think of it even now.

What does come back is the image I caught in the mirror. The image that screamed Ugly back at me as my lungs screamed at little hearts. Whatever was coming through the mouth from the heart was tearing down small ones.

Changing my name from Momma, Mommy, Ema, to Ugly. From Comforter, Nurturer, Encourager, to Ugly.

I chose that day to never yell at them again. I didn't like what it looked like on my face. What it felt like in my heart.

I didn't want them to grow up thinking of me as Ugly. Oh, it's reared it's head in other ways over the years, but the desire of my heart is to show Beauty.

The voice on the other end of the phone reminded me of when I told her that story. She doesn't want to live Ugly either.

It's more than a choice. I can say all day that it's not going to be seen, and then the smallest thing . . .

It's a way of life. I must live to fill the heart up with good so that only good comes out to speak life to those around me. To speak beauty.

So they see beauty.

And I can feel good about the One in the mirror.

Ladies' Bible Study

2011-09-19T22:36:00.002-05:00

Ok, let's try it again. If you will go to the bottom of the page and turn off the Ipod, then click on the the post title ( I Samuel 15) then tonight's Bible study should begin. Next week we will finally get to David. It has only taken us 5 weeks of introduction!

Then There Were Six

2011-09-18T22:01:00.002-05:00

On our way home from getting Rachel's driving permit, she asked if she could drive to the church. Hannah asked me if I was scared. I told her that I wasn't, so then she asked Rachel if she was scared. Rachel said, "No...I'm not really scared of the driving, it's just if I can stop..."

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Leah looking at me with wide eyes.

Hannah looked at me and asked "Now are you scared?"

So even though I told Hannah I wasn't scared, I was fooling a little. After all, we've been through this five times before. I know what to expect. I know that leaning over the console will not keep you from hitting a curb. Or that the imaginary brake on the passenger side really doesn't work. I know that it feels like we are going 80 when, in fact, we are only going 50. We lived through it before, we will again.

We did a lot of praying then, we covet your prayers now.

Giving thanks today for

Rain

Fresh painted toe nails

RIT dye on carpet looking pretty cute

Hubby teaching me fun things about Rahab

Wind chimes on the front porch

Cleaning for special company

Peach cobbler

Verses for comfort

Tubs full of pictures

Firewood from tree blown over.

Like a Ravioli

2011-09-14T11:42:00.005-05:00

"We call him the Grandaddy", the neighbor man told me, speaking of the huge pecan tree at the edge of our sweet little homestead. It was love at first sight for me, because I left Oklahoma with lots of trees and my kids, so if I couldn't be close to the kids at least give me some trees.

It's not a place you go. It's a place you enter. With limbs bowing to earth, it's like entering a room. A holy place. I feel different when I'm in there.

Hemmed in.

Even the hanging metal swing/chair my sweet hubby gave me wraps around me like a cocoon. A metal prayer shawl, if you will.

Psalms 134 : 5-6 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.

I've felt very loved on by the Lord the last week or so. Over and over He has reminded me of His protection and love. Of being hemmed in. I'm so amazed by Him.

Over and over He has reminded. Kneeling at prayer place with blanket over my head, He reminded me. Hemmed.

Ravioli on the cover of a magazine makes my face smile.
Just like that !
Just like ravioli !
Tucked in and sealed in, safe and sound. Pinched around the edges. Hemmed.

Michael reaching over to tuck sheet in all down behind me so I have plenty of covering. Tucked. Hemmed.

Giving shoulder and wrapping arms around grieving grandma after holding the little one for the last time. Praying she felt the comfort of the Comforter. Hemmed in by Him.

Momma hen crawling on quilt nest, moving babies-not-done around to cook on the other side, then sitting full down. Hemming them in. Sweet protection.

Not only does He hem me in, it says also that He lays His hand upon me.

When my babies were little, after I rocked them to sleep, I would lay them down and put my hand gently on the side of their little face to comfort them until they were resting deeply. Feeling safe. Feeling hemmed outside the womb by their momma.

He loves me like that. He keeps showing me over and over.

Because Monday had an interruption not expected and because Tuesday had a stomach bug not expected, I'm just now posting my list of thanks.

. . . Grandaddy tree

. . . boys' voices on the phone

. . . hope in voice

. . . letter of blessing from someone I love

. . . reminders of love from Him

. . . clean bedroom

. . . clean laundry room

. . . seeing girl I miss

. . . talking to girl I really miss

. . . cocoon chair/swing

. . . prayer places

I Samuel 14

2011-09-13T20:00:00.006-05:00

Lisa, this is the only way I could figure out how to do this. Just click on the title (I Samuel 14) and it will take you to a site that has recorded the Bible study. It was a little awkward at the beginning so Hannah added some music. It's also a little long, but, oh well. We'll see how it works until I can figure something else out.

Also, be patient, it might take a minute to start. You will need to stop the Ipod at the bottom of the blog. Love you!

Leah is SEVENTEEN!!!!

2011-09-09T02:36:00.000-05:00

Leah wanted to be grown up when she was two. I saw her independence really shine when we took the family to the zoo. She always wanted to walk ahead of everyone else. Like she was there by herself.

She had and has a fascination with electronics. She figured out how to get to the coloring pages of a Bible program we had on the computer. She also figured out how to copy them for her sisters to color. As I was cooking supper, I watched her go back and forth from our room to the play room taking coloring pages to her sisters. She was three.

She couldn't wait to have her own room. One day she brought a little step stool, her blanket, and her lambie and put it right by our bedroom door. Told us that was going to be her bedroom. Now she wants her own car.

On Sunday mornings she works the sound for the service. She has all the microphones ready to go and has everything her daddy needs in it's place. She makes sure he doesn't have to worry about getting any of the sound stuff together. After the service she gathers all of his things while he visits with church family. Last Sunday I watched as she went up and took his glasses out of his pocket to put them in his office. He couldn't do it without her. It's her ministry.

I love you Peas. You are precious to me.

No Time for Quiet Time

2011-09-09T01:19:00.000-05:00

There was no working schedule. Oh, it was written down somewhere, but never worked out. Maybe because it was nowhere to be found. I had friends who would get up at the crack of dawn, fix their coffee, turn on some good worship music and get into the Word. For the first two years of the twins' lives I averaged about 4 1/2 hours of sleep a night. So even though I had no scheduled "Quiet Time", I probably prayed more those two years than several years put together.

I thought as all the kids grew older that I wouldn't have quite so much to pray for. Oh my. Was I ever wrong about that.

I get to have my Quiet Time now. We all do it at the same time. How sweet is that!?!

Hannah is SEVENTEEN!!!!

2011-09-09T00:46:00.001-05:00

From early on we knew Hannah was going to be our creative child. She talked in rhymes so I called her my little songwriter. She would illustrate her stories in such funny ways, yet at times pull out something you could tell came from somewhere deep within.

Hannah has so much compassion.

With that comes the problem of carrying things she needs to pass on to the Lord. She's learning. I've seen her weep over decisions of friends that are not healthy.

Stella (her guitar) is her friend. She told me today that if there was a fire in our house she would do all she could to pull Stella out.

They make beautiful music together.

I love you Belle. You are precious to me.

Pour It Out

2011-09-05T23:00:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks back when we were looking at the life of Samuel, it started with his mom in the temple praying for a baby. In I Samuel 1:15 she was accused of being drunk by the priest because he couldn't understand her.

She quickly told him that she wasn't drunk but that she was "pouring her heart out before the Lord". I have thought of that so many times in the last weeks. What does that mean exactly?

Oh, I have desperately prayed for things on many occasions. For the physical healing of those I loved and many I didn't even know. For spiritual healing. For marriages. For wayward children. For the protection of my children and others who could be in harm's way.

Desperately.

But have I really poured my heart out before the Lord?

I looked up the Hebrew word for "poured". Don't you cringe a little when I do that? Seems to always put a different slant to a word. Sometimes it is a slant that makes things a little uncomfortable.

This definition doesn't disappoint.

Poured: 1) to pour, pour out, spill

2) to shed (blood)

3) to pour out (anger or heart)

When I come to the Lord, desperate in heart, fearful in heart, I must come to Him willing to pour it out - to shed the blood.

Ready to die to myself, my desires, my fears, my desperations.

Desiring Him more than I desire the answer to my

prayer.

Oh my.

Most of the time all I can see is the answer I want. The answer I think I need.

All He wants is for me to want more of Him.

Giving thanks today.

In Hobby Lobby last week Rachel and I found a wrought iron BLESSINGS wall hanging that I knew I had to have. Especially because it was on sale. I've been wanting something for a space on the wall that has been blank because I hadn't found the perfect thing to hang.

Found it.

Love it.

A constant reminder of the things God has done for us. So many blessings. So much to be thankful for:

   . . . flags blowing a different direction

   . . . Sam's heart that wants God to use his injury for His glory

   . . . piano

   . . . Keith's numbers back closer to normal

   . . . music that speaks to my heart

   . . . screen doors

   . . . breeze blowing from front door to back

   . . . calls every night from Hannah while she is away.

BLESSINGS.

Three Girls Sixteen

2011-09-03T15:25:00.001-05:00

Their very first photo together. Rachel is just hours old, Hannah and Leah are 11 months, Kayla is 11, Adam is 14 and Kyle is 16.

I love this picture.

This is when they are all three 2 years old. I took them to Lubbock and we went to buy some new pajamas then to the photography studio in the mall.

Did I mention I was on crutches?

Just me and the girls?

Hannah held on to one crutch and Rachel held on to the other with Leah holding her hand. We were a sight. What a trip that was!

Hannah

Leah

Rachel

There were times when they were little I couldn't even imagine them at 16. Here we are. As it has been with Kyle, Adam, and Kayla, I can honestly say I love them more and more every day.

They are so busy that I am beginning to get a taste of what life will be like when the are all gone. Makes my heart sad. I miss the older ones so much sometimes that my heart aches. Then I remind myself that at least I still have them.

Love.

Far Be It From Me

2011-08-31T11:14:00.000-05:00

“Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you.”

Samuel the prophet/priest/judge said these words to the people of Isreal after they begged God for a king and He gave them what they wanted. These people wanted a king because “everyone else was doing it”.

They were a whiney group. Begging for something they didn’t need. They didn’t trust their God Whom had delivered them from their enemies countless times before. They thought their plan was better.

Just like the rest of us.

I personally am extremely grateful God didn’t answer some of my whiney prayers. Like the one in Jr. High when I pleaded to be the wife of David Cassidy when I got big. Extremely. Grateful.

I don’t want to be found guilty of the sin of prayerlessness. I also don’t want to be found guilty of dominating my prayer time with whiney, selfish prayers. I want to be found faithful of bringing things to the Lord that really matter. That are life changing for people.

This morning I woke up very early with a heavy, heavy heart. A heart hurting over people hurting.

* A 7 year old boy in the hospital diagnosed with depression because his parents decided they would rather chase after their own happiness than keep their family together.

* A couple who grieves a death. The death of their precious little one who came into this world with no life breath.

* Couples who grieve a death. Not one death, but a new one every month when the womb weeps red.

* A young lady burying her fiancé today because he chose not to live in this world any more. Family all questioning what they could have done.

* A family hurting over actions and decisions of children. Trying to find peace.

* A young woman missing a daddy gone too soon.

Such a heavy heart over heavy things. Then I remembered something else Samuel said.

“Now, stand still and see this great thing the Lord will do before your eyes.”

So,

We pray.

We wait.

We watch.

Most of all we trust. Trust that the Jehovah God cares when our heart is heavy. Trust that He will give us what we need to walk through the things we have to walk through.

Please, oh please, don't stop praying.

Or trusting.

I Need Help

2011-08-29T18:34:00.003-05:00

She walked by the bathroom door and thought she heard a muffled sob.

“Is everything okay?” she asked through the closed door.

“I need help.”

She pushed open the door and saw him sitting there; elbows on knees, face in hands. Weeping.

She didn’t have to ask why. Quickly turning on the shower, she rolled up sleeves and began to prepare him to get in the water. There was a stool for him to sit on in the tub - if she could bear his weight for the few steps it would take to get him there.

The running water would also muffle the sobs, weak though they were, so the kids wouldn’t ask questions.

“I’m so sorry” he kept saying in between tears. So quiet, so weak, she could barely understand. She assured him there was nothing to apologize for.

After getting him situated, she checked water temperature and closed the curtain so the water could do its work, washing him clean. Everything down that drain.

The curtain closed in time to hide her own tears. She began cleaning floor, cleaning walls, cleaning sink. And for the first time since the very first day of this ordeal, she was mad.

“Why????” she yelled silently, with clenched jaw. “He lost his hair, he lost his strength, he lost the light of life in his eyes. Does he have to have his dignity taken too?”

She wasn’t mad at God, because she knew with all her heart He had a plan. That is what kept her going. She was furious at the situation.

She scrubbed and cried. She scrubbed and cried hard.

Everything got cleaned up, never to be mentioned between them again. Never acknowledged that it had ever even happened.

How many times has Jesus done that for us? Put our dirty selves under the Water to be cleansed by Him. Letting the waste of our lives swirl down the drain.

How many times has He cleaned up our messes and made us all squeaky clean and comfortable, ready to live again?

He hears our sobs when we don’t have the strength to clean ourselves, comes in and rolls up His sleeves and gets to work. He takes off His outer garment, kneels and washes our feet where we have been soiled by the things of the world.

All because we said “I need help.”

And never mentions it again.

Eph. 5: 26-27 John 15:3 Heb. 8:12

Giving thanks with so many others at

So thankful for:

His cleansing Word,

Lessons from life stories,

Girls giggling on the merry-go-round during PE,

Clean kitchen sink, all shiny,

Hymns and Worship on Pandora,

Extra time for Bible study,

New light bulbs, and

BLESSINGS on the wall.

Father, You are faithful. I know you are.

The Need to Draw Me Close

2011-08-23T20:49:00.003-05:00

It's still dark outside when He wakes me to visit. It's not a waking with a start - or even a couple of nudges. It's kind of like the Hand just scans up my face and I'm full awake. If I was to talk out loud to Him it wouldn't be sleepy morning voice. That is how instantly awake I am.

The first time He did this was about 21 years ago. The top three were little then all snuggled up in bed chasing dreams in their head when He woke me. Woke me clean up. I looked at the clock shining 5:15 am and then began to pray. Prayed for each of them in their angel protected rooms, then prayed for their dad, wherever he was on his travels that week. I asked Him to put things in their day that would remind them of Him. A sunrise or sunset. A song. A person. Anything so they could see Him.

For six straight weeks He woke me. Every morning. Five fifteen. I talked to Him about the ones I loved then I went back to sleep to wait on the alarm. Same prayer every morning. The prayer He gave.

Then the diagnosis came. Six weeks of 5:15 private conversations with Him had not only prepared my heart but prepared their hearts as well. Helped us all to see Him through the whole journey.

Three little heads with a reality of heaven most adults cannot grasp.

Thank You Jesus.

There have been other times He felt the need to draw me close before I even knew I needed Him. Like almost every day for a week before son's open heart surgery, and a couple of weeks when daughter was struggling.

Then there are the times I never find out what it is for.

I know it is for something. Or He wouldn't have bothered.

He loves me that much.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

So Much

2011-08-22T23:45:00.003-05:00

I'm so blessed. So thankful for my life. Here are some things I'm praising God for this week . . .

. . . group hugs,

. . . snickerdoodle birthday cookies,

. . . stylin' guys wearing stylin' glasses,

. . . bulk cooking once again,

. . . and friends.

. . . smart chicken momma wanting only the best for her babies,

. . . re-purposed quilt.

. . . Momma and her boy getting wet.

. . . joy all over faces.

. . . curriculum.

. . . womb mates.

Icing on the Cake

2011-08-19T08:54:00.003-05:00

It seems just like yesterday we took # 6 to the zoo we called home. Hannah and

Leah were just taking their first steps; Kyle, Adam and Kayla were in every activity there was to be in at school, and we knew we had an adventure on our hands. I couldn't have asked for a better baby. I think Rachel knew I needed her to be sweet. She was so sweet. Still is.

The icing on the cake.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHIE !!!!!!

You are precious to me.

Then Sings My Soul

2011-08-16T10:03:00.003-05:00

Sitting in the funeral home yesterday with Michael and the girls, I went from one extreme of emotion to the other. Literally. We sat close to the back because we didn't know the sweet lady who died, but we did know her sister's family, so we were really there to support them.

Michael usually wears a hat. Either a cowboy hat or a baseball cap. Since we were in the funeral home, the hat was in his hand. I looked over at him and his hair was kind of sticking up in the front, so my eyes went straight to the wayward hair. I didn't have glasses on so I looked at it longer than I probably should have and he had this look on his face with his eyebrows up, staring right at me and said, "Don't laugh".

He should have never said that.

You know how it is.

Funeral home + wayward hair + "don't laugh" = uncontrollable laughter.

Oh, it wasn't out loud - except for one little squeak - but I'll tell you what: I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. Too bad I picked that place to do it.

My shoulders were bouncing up and down for a good two minutes. Tears running down my cheeks, my face all wadded up.

Started a chain reaction: from Hannah right beside me, to Leah, and on to Rachel. All sitting there with shoulders bumping up and down. Not Michael. He had a smile on his face but he was the king of control.

It was over as soon as it started. I composed myself as the minister started the service.

There were two women sitting on the row behind us, down the pew a ways. The younger of the two would talk throughout the service but you couldn't understand her. I figured out that it was a mother and daughter. The daughter was probably close to 40 and had special needs.

Close to the end of the service, a song was played that touched this daughter's heart. And mine. I didn't realize it until after the first couple of lines:

Oh Lord, my God

When I, in awesome wonder

I heard her as she began to sing along.

Consider all the works Thy hand has made.

Then she was quiet a little bit.

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then, even though her words I wouldn't have understood if I didn't know the song, she sang:

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee,

HOW GREAT THOU ART ! HOW GREAT THOU ART !

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee,

HOW GREAT THOU ART ! HOW GREAT THOU ART !

She didn't hit every word, but there is no doubt her heart knew every word. She had a connection to her Lord we all should envy.

She probably never went to public school, knows nothing of politics or world events, but she knows the Creator of the Universe. Personally. And she told Him how great He was. It almost felt like we were eavesdropping on her conversation with her Savior.

Blessed my heart.

I started the service with tears of laughter and ended the service with tears of praise to the Father for blessing me with a song from a beautiful heart.

Then sings my soul . . . . . . . . . HOW GREAT THOU ART !

Beautiful.

Squeezing in the Thanks

2011-08-15T15:23:00.002-05:00

I'm a little short on time this afternoon but I wanted to share a few things that I am grateful for today.

Early morning walks.

Wad of baby in daddy's helmet.

Old lamps in every corner. EVERY corner.

New wide margin Bible. Yeehaw!

Tomatoes and peaches ready for freezer.

And today, especially grateful for sisters still living.

Be All There

2011-08-14T18:02:00.006-05:00

There probably hasn't been one day in the last 40 something 100 degree plus days that I haven't mentioned that I can't wait for fall. I'm so ready for the cool in the air and the smells and the leaves and the colors.

Especially the cool in the air.

It seems I am always looking ahead to something.

Always.

Several weeks back I was reading about Elizabeth Elliott. Ms. Elliott was one of the first christian authors I ever remember reading. As I was reading, I came across something she said that has honestly stayed with me and I remember on a daily basis:

"Wherever you are, be all there."

I constantly think ahead. To the next project, chore, or meeting. When my body is one place, my mind is usually already on to the next.

Sometimes when I'm really busy Hannah will come in for a hug. I stop what I'm doing and give her a hug. Then I do the "pat on the back because I'm busy" so I can get back to work thing. To which she promptly replies, "Don't pat, Mom". It's not a real hug unless I'm all there. And she knows it.

Who am I fooling?

She knows it, others know it.

God knows it.

If I could only hug without pats, listen without glances, study without distractions, pray without interruptions.

Matt 22:37 says that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our strength and with all our mind.

To BE ALL THERE.

I kind of think that if I do it right with Him, I'll do it right with them. I want to do it right.

I don't want to thrive on the busy. I want to take advantage of every minute.

So bad, I want to be all there.

Multitudes on Mondays

2011-08-08T11:04:00.003-05:00

While loading up photos from family reunion, I filled up a couple of pages of gratefulness. Thanking Him for . . .

# 161 . . . brother love.

# 162 . . . uncle love.

# 163 . . . fried potato love. Nanny to granddaughter - to great grandson. Eli peeling potatoes with his little tummy sticking out.

# 164 . . . finding grandbabies in random places.

# 165 . . . Monty and Cathy with their kids and their extra kids.

# 166 . . . our new personal family chef.

# 167 . . . Christy and Cary, mom and daughter close.

# 168 . . . smiles for mommies playing games.

# 169 . . . short legs hanging with long legs.

# 170 . . . KP fellowship.

# 171 . . . KP fellowship with Jade and Lynn. I love them.

#172 . . . KP fellowship from Eli who wanted his name on the list every meal. Precious to me.

# 173 . . . gravy in iron skillet

# 174 . . . bacon dipped in gravy

#175 . . . gravy all over baby face

# 176 . . . games under lights

# 177 . . . lights over games

# 178 . . . water reflecting moonlight

#179 . . . life verse given at a young age to a boy who would rest in it often, even in to manhood.

# 180 . . . the ~~boys~~ men in my life

Looking back at the laughter with happy tears.

OVERWHELMED WITH A THANKFUL HEART.

I Want to Want to

2011-08-06T23:19:00.002-05:00

This morning as I was driving home from the Farmer's Market with a bag full of fresh tomatoes, I was praying out loud so He could hear me better and I heard
"I want to want You more".

It came out of my mouth without any planning.

One of those prayers that comes out of nowhere. Well, on second thought, not out of nowhere.

When you feel all used up and worn out it's easy to stop wanting anything but to sit in a big comfy chair with a diet coke and a Hallmark movie.

The other day I knew I was at that place when I walked through the living room only to catch the last of the Princess Diaries 2 and saw Mia about to be crowned Queen of Genovia. . .

. . . and I cried.

Pathetic, I know. But it happened.

Since that time, the desire for a greater godliness, a sincere holiness, has been getting stronger and stronger.

Psalm 42:1 says: As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for You, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I want it.

More than that - I want to want it more.

I want to want Him more.

It was a prayer from His heart to my heart and back to His.

I love when He does that.

They Say it Comes in Threes

2011-08-03T19:29:00.007-05:00

I'm not sure who they are but I remember it from being in church all my life. It seems as if when one person dies, two others follow suit shortly thereafter. It's an unexplained rule.

I thought about that Monday last when I was driving to Duncanville to meet Michael for a service he was doing to remember a 27 year old mom of three and got a call that one of our dear men was on his way to the ER with a heart attack. Oh no. I didn't want the rule of threes to hit our family again.

Thankfully, he came home the next day and showed up to help with Bible School that night. Whew, that was close.

Tuesday night I got a call that there was a young family expecting a baby who found out there was no heartbeat. Wanted to know if I could do pictures for them as they said goodbye before they ever got to say hello. It was one of the hardest, most beautiful things I've ever been a part of. Little angel, oh, so precious.

Saturday we get a call that one of our men was on his way home to surprise his family after being away for over two years. He had been in different care facilities after an accident and was going to surprise his sweet wife and daughter. His wife was getting settled at home after a surgery when the local hospital called to say her husband was there. He didn't make it.

So I guess they were right.

Where is the comfort in that week of grief? Everywhere.

There are many kids I know that have no idea where their mommies are. Because mommies have decided they would be happier somewhere else. With someone else.

There are three little ones this week who know exactly where their mommy is. There is a teenage girl who knows where her dad is, no longer in a wheelchair. A wife who knows where her husband is and a mommy and daddy who know that their precious baby is in the arms of Jesus.

And better than knowing where they are is knowing that they will ALL see them again!

So much sweetness.

So much comfort.

Comfort in the knowledge of the reality of heaven. Comfort in the arms of those around them, praying for them, holding them.

Comfort in the remembering. Some remembering years of life together, some remembering only hours.

I believe three is the number of God.

He is the Three in One.

* Our Father. The creator of the universe.

All that ever was and is was created by Him.

* His Son. The only way to the Father. John 14 says that

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

No one gets to the Father,

but through
Him.

* Holy Spirit. Our messenger to the throne, whether we

speak it, sigh it, or weep it.

This past week was a roller coaster of emotion. The grief over lives lost and the joy of kids running all over the church every night and ending their evenings
with their little hands raised in praise to the
Three in One.

Working on family pictures like no other, having to get up every once in awhile for a break to cook for the 100+ hungry tummies that would walk through the doors later that day. Cooking while crying and breathing and praying over for the ones in the photo.

And then, hands in air, praising Him myself, for the number Three, because no matter how it comes or what it brings, there is growth. And so much Comfort.

Giving Thanks With the Multitudes

2011-08-01T20:28:00.010-05:00

Today I'm joining with lots of other grateful hearts in giving thanks:

# 122 His hand holding mine in life and ministry.

#123 Tired but happy kitchen hands who fed over 100 faces four nights in a row.

#124 Mr. Bennie, who got wet because he knew he needed to, not because someone wanted him to.

#125 Don - self-proclaimed Servant of God who's walk far outweighs his talk.

#126 Spiritual dad when there is no physical dad in the life of a boy. Thank You, Jesus.

#127 Hands, little and big, raised in praise.

#128 Like hands - like hearts. I love her.

Sneak Peek for Brandi

2011-07-31T19:48:00.005-05:00

I'm working on pictures for Brandi that we took last week. I'm only about a fourth the way through but I wanted her to see some of them. Even though I see the kids every week, when I looked through the lens I was completely amazed at how they have grown up right in front of me.

A Room Full of Wanted

2011-07-30T21:00:00.006-05:00

Last March I was blessed to spend a weekend with several Red Raider girls in the mountains of New Mexico. The time was completely sweet. There was something Marla said, though, that has stuck with me these last several months. She told of how sometimes she wakes up in the mornings to be mommy to her three little ones not feeling so joyful, or beautiful, or worthy. She went on to say how she would sing God's truths over herself because His truth was truth, whether she felt it or not.

That has stuck with me.

Last Thursday night, after a very busy, very trying week, I climbed into our big recliner and called the thirteen girls at our house in for a time of quiet before they began drinking their sodas and Red Bulls in order to stay up all night.

Honestly, I was so physically and emotionally exhausted from the first three days of the week, that I almost called the "girls' night" off. Oh, thank You God, that my selfishness didn't win out this time.

I asked the girls to share some things they believed about themselves.

"I'm ugly."

"I'm not worthy of friends who care."

On and on they went, spewing out these things that were lies from the enemy.

Then I had them speak Truth about themselves. It was difficult for them.

One precious girl, in a wad laying at the side of my chair began to weep. I knew what was going on in her life and reached over and held on to her leg and said, "You are wanted!"

Wanted.

By the Most High.

He doesn't ignore our calling out to Him. As a matter of fact, Psalm 116:2 says that He inclines His ear to hear us. He bends over to catch every whisper directed His way.

Be still my heart.

I looked around at the beauty in that room. The hearts that wanted to be wanted. To be chosen.

Help them get it Lord. Help them understand that only You can fill that God-sized hole that is yearning to be loved. To be beautiful and to be chosen. To be wanted.

Only You.

Just a Couple

2011-07-08T12:27:00.004-05:00

Thought I'd post a couple of pictures of our Arkansas trip with the youth of our church. It was such a "God week" for all of us who went. Michael and Hannah led worship and I was the camp cook. Such a sweet time.

It has been a summer of spiritual growth for the girls and such a precious thing for Michael and I to watch. I'll talk more about it in a few weeks after we get their "Three Girls Sixteen" photos done.

So, so blessed.

No Weapons

2011-07-08T12:10:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I think we don’t realize how at one moment we are doing the right thing – encouraging (putting courage in to), building up, and inspiring; the next moment our words are used to discourage (take courage out of), tear down, and belittle.

We are . . .

. . . quick to criticize,

. . . quick to slander,

. . . quick to judge.

Weapon words are flung without first bringing every thought captive to the throne of God.

Weapon words are hurled without thinking about what it does to the heart of the hearer.

Isaiah 45:17 tells us that no weapon formed against us will prosper. The other morning after hearing of weapon words launched against some people I love, and losing a couple of hours of sleep over it, I began praying that no weapons formed against this part of the body would prosper.

We are so quick to shoot our own.

We cut ourselves and watch ourselves bleed.

We sometimes amputate parts of our own body.

SHAME. ON. US.

I Peter 3:8-9 says that we are to have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Then it says “Do NOT repay evil for evil, or insult for insult; we are to BLESS others, for to this we are called, so that we may obtain a blessing.

I could give you the definition of every word, but I’m only going to give one.

The (Greek) definition for NOT is this:

NO (not surprising)*

NOT (obviously)*

GOD FORBID (are you kidding me??)*

GOD FORBID that we should insult, that we should use weapon words or

weapon looks (ah-oh) against our brothers and sisters.

GOD FORBID.

His words, not mine.

Father, my heart hurts for those at the target end of weapons fired. But it also hurts for those who shoot because they have hurts of their own. We all hurt. Thank you that when I started calling names out to You for You to bless, You were quick to calm my heart. Quick to give me peace. To let me go back to sleep. I love that about You. Let me be eager to love, eager to encourage, eager to bless. I pray that no weapon formed against this body will prosper. Thank You for the work You are doing in spite of us. You never stop amazing me with the way You work.

I’m so very blessed.

* my own thoughts of each definition

Sittin' by the Pool

2011-07-01T09:08:00.006-05:00

Michael and I came up yesterday for his family reunion in Fredericksburg. I love this little town. I've been enough that the stores are not new and exciting, but maybe that's why I love it. It is familiar.

I came out this morning to sit by the pool and really don't have a thing to say. At least anything that would make anyone get introspective or anything.

This really couldn't get much better. There is new furniture out here, so I'm sitting at the end of the pool on a new little couch. With my feet up on the cushions. Smelling the chlorine which smells like barefoot in summer.

The sprinkler is watering the grass. The kind of sprinkler I like that keeps time as it shoots out water in spurts, then goes back real fast. Love it. The crepe myrtles are pretty in pink, the birds are singing, I just spent some time reading a Bible study by a lady named Mary Elizabeth Baxter born in the 1830's. Pretty special.

The manager of the motel here just came to put water in the pool pushing his 2 year old twins in a stroller. Made me miss the girls. I get to go pick them up tomorrow morning and I cannot wait. The part I'm looking forward to the most is all the stories told at the same time. I usually hear three different perspectives of the same story. When they would come home from Mother's Day Out when they were four, they would talk all the way home and part of the day. My head would go back and forth as each picked up her part of the telling.

I never feel like I pray enough for them and their older siblings. So often I wake in the middle of the night, knowing I didn't get enough "on my knees" time during the day.

Praying they be set aside for His use. That they realize He wants all of them.

All of Each of them.

I honestly don't think we can ever do enough on our own to prepare them for all the hurts of this fallen world.

I don't ever want to stop trying to do enough. Whether I'm on my knees, on my face, or sitting by a pool.

It was interesting this morning that when I was reading the Bible study of Mary Baxter

that there was an old hymn she had typed out. What was interesting about that is that it is the same hymn that I have had on my mind since last Sunday. It was on a worship CD I was playing on my way back from dropping Leah off at camp. I played it many times during the week, and then, wa-la, here it is again this morning.

This hymn is about giving ALL.

Total surrender.

That is what I want for my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. BUT, and that's a big BUT: I need to desperately want it for myself first.

So, here goes, take it in slowly:

TAKE my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days;
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet, and let them be
Swift and ‘beautiful’ for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King.

Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold;
Not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect, and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine;
It shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart, it is Thine own;
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure–store.

Take myself, and I will be
Ever, only, ALL for Thee.

Now that is total surrender.

Never gonna stop trying.

I Shall Not Want

2011-06-27T15:27:00.007-05:00

To want: (verb) to lack, have decrease, have need

Shepherd: (noun) Yahweh - Supreme God, herdsman

(verb) to tend, to pasture,

There is nothing I need that His hand will not provide. It's the things I want and don't get that put me in a bad place.

So what is it about "The Lord is my Shepherd" that I refuse to grasp?

Instead I wallow around in my hurt. I swim in self pity and dance in the ballroom of

of deception. Buying the lies that I need things that I really only want.

Sometimes I'm desperate in my wanting.

Believing that I cannot live unless I have. Oh Father, show me the difference.

I shared the words to a song once before but I think part of it bears repeating:

When my life is not what I expected

The plans I made have failed

When there's nothing left to steal me away

Will You be enough for me?

Will my broken heart still sing?

I want Him to be enough. I want to put all my wants in the "wants basket" and just give them to Him. Knowing He already gives from the "needs basket". But I'm a selfish child with my hands behind my back refusing Him because it isn't the exact thing I desire.

Why can't I wait for things?

Be content?

Not worry?

Deny myself?

Why can't I just trust the Shepherd Who tends to me? Who will only do what's best for me?

I love the part of the definition of Shepherd to "tend". Tenderness. Tenderly pulling me to Him to comfort hurting, to rest weary, to restore broken.

To hear Him breathe love words to me; His wanting, whining, silly child.

He is my Yahweh - my Supreme God.

I shall lack nothing.

We Need More Towels!

2011-06-24T12:05:00.010-05:00

It takes one towel to be draped around shoulders as they step out of the watering tub; to pat face, and to squeeze dripping hair.

To soak up as they stand and watch. They watch as the next one steps gingerly into the warmed water for their own dunking.

One towel for each body.

Each one standing because they choose to walk the life road differently.

Each body with one hand holding Youth Minister, the other holding Dad. Or one holding Youth Minister, the other holding Spiritual Hero; or one holding Youth Minister, the other holding Mom.

Then there is the couple wanting to start out their “rest of their lives” on a spiritual foundation.

There are plenty of tears. There are a whole bunch of smiles.

My heart can hardly handle the sweetness. The sweetness of seeing family gathered around.

The sweetness of having to buy more towels.

God is Here

2011-06-16T09:14:00.006-05:00

We are day four of youth camp here in the hills of northern Arkansas. God is here. I honestly think some of the kids didn't even stop to think that He might come to meet with us.

They are overwhelmed.

He is so good.

I'm in between cleaning up after breakfast and cooking for an early lunch so we can go in to Eureka Springs to go through the Bible Land tour and then end our evening with worship at Thorncrown Chapel. Then back here for a late night snack of apple dumplings and ice cream. Ummm.

We've had very little sleep and a touch of a stomach bug. Nothing Pepto hasn't been able to handle.

Please pray for these kids because walls are coming down. Lives are being changed.

All those prayers you have been offering up have been received and acted on. There was lots of weeping in cabins last night because, yes, God is here.

We are bringing Him back with us.

You will see Him in their faces.

Stripping Down

2011-06-09T20:18:00.009-05:00

She peers into her closet, searching. There’s a cute sweater – just what she thinks she needs. After all, hadn’t the words just slipped through her lips as she whispered to her Jesus, “I want to be more like You. I need to be kind, to be compassionate, to show love.”

That pretty red sweater with the “kind” label should do the trick.

It wouldn’t button. It was the right size but it wouldn’t button.

It didn’t fit around her. She really wanted to wear that sweater, to show kindness, but it just didn’t work.

That’s what we do.

We try to look like Him, we want to look like Him. We attempt to put Him on

but we still stink.

We really stink.

Because we didn’t take off the old clothes underneath. And they stink.

Colossians 3 talks about taking off the old clothes. Clothes with ugly labels. Labels that read anger, impurity, envy, slander, and lying.

Some of us look like Michelin men walking out our front doors because we don’t take off the old stinky clothes. Then we try to dress up with “God clothes” on top of all the ugly.

That’s why it says we are to put those things to death. Separate ourselves from them. Take them off and burn them in the burn pile.

THEN.

Then we put on the sweaters, the pants, the pretty shoes and the adorable hats.

We clothe ourselves with Christ. We forgive as He has forgiven us. Then ABOVE ALL, we put on LOVE.

We put on love because it pulls all things together in harmony.

Then comes the peace. Oh, that peace we long for.

Take off. Put on. Be forgiven. Forgive. Be loved. Love.

And then be thankful.

Go Play Outside

2011-06-07T10:14:00.008-05:00

Moms, how many times have you hollered* those words to your kids? Your husband? It gets them out of your hair and, after all, the clean, fresh air is good for them.

I walked outside yesterday and figured out that maybe we've done it wrong all these years. Maybe WE are the ones who needed to go outside to take in that God-breathed air.

Maybe it would clear our head. To hear Him better.

I had lots of things on my mind. Lots of things that needed to be prayed over.

I stepped out on to the newly painted porch (thank you kids for birthday Lowe's gift cards) and glanced up at the ceiling fan (thank you kids for the Mother's Day Lowe's gift cards) and I smiled. Thank you God for giving me kids who understand how I love Lowe's gift cards!

Love my cute little frog watering can!

Our baby chick went from Bed Baby Nursery to the Toddler room - adjusting well.

Wooden ice cream freezers should make even the hard-hearted smile a little bit.

We brought Spencer (AKA Delilah) home from the church to snack on the weeds in our old chicken pen. The girls named her Spencer then realized he was a she so changed her name. Eli still calls her Spencer because he likes that name. I went out to make friends with her because I think she is missing her buddies at the arena.

She liked me and I think she wanted me to take my shoes off and stay awhile. She untied my right shoe, then went straight to the left. Like she knew exactly what to do. Smart goat.

When I went back into the house to start on "stuff", I felt so much better.

My mind had cleared, I felt like I could hear Him.

Thank you Father, for sending me to play outside for awhile. I needed it.

* Texan for screamed

Five Minute Fridays

2011-06-03T22:55:00.008-05:00

Today I am joining Gypsy Mama in Five Minute Fridays.

Today's prompt is: "Every Day"

Ok, let's try this:

Every day is an opportunity to put more Jesus into my kids, more encouragement into the ladies that attend our church, and to be the Helper my husband needs in order to be pastor to so many.

So many days I feel disappointed in myself because I feel like I wasted too much time doing things that really don't matter. I make selfish choices that do not benefit the ones I love.

Every day is a new opportunity to bring the lives of all those in my care to the very One Who has the ability to make a difference.

To grow them.

To strengthen them.

To mold them into His image.

Laziness and selfishness are not options. Not when lives are on the line.

Oh Lord, I don't want to lose sight of the importance of my faithfulness to you. I don't want to waste precious time.

I want to be that warrior.

Every single day.

Okay, time is up. Click on over to her blog and join in!